Mission in translation 2
by Lord Cynic
Summary: Bet most of you never saw this coming. Another reason why Naruto shouldn't listen to old men and assume what they say will help him avoid a butt whipping by Neji. Poor sod never had a chance... and poor Hinata is once again in the crossfire. Fun!


**Lord Cynic: **"We have returned, biatches!"

**Mashu: **"That wasn't very nice…"

**Cynic: **"Ah, can it. I'm cranky, I'm old, I need a beer, and I need one now."

**Mashu: **"But we're not allowed to drink…"

**Cynic: **"We are now."

**Mashu: **"Um… shouldn't we be talking about this?"

**Cynic: **"Ah. Right. Well, I'm updating the Live Journal after this (oh, the horror) with the same excuse: fluff is for chumps."

**Mashu: **"Hey!"

**Cynic: **"Say what you want when you do your own intro to a story. This is my time. Anyways, I probably did a worse job of this than MiT 1. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Suffer in your jocks!"

* * *

**Real Life Geek: **"I don't own Naruto." 

**Cynic: **"Who the hell are you?"

**Real Life Geek: **"Long story…"

* * *

_**Missing in translation 2**_

In the early hours of a Konoha morning, the bright rays of the rising sun penetrated the see-through windows of a rackety old apartment. The eternally irritating brightness shone through the cracked glass and smothered the faces of two youths: a boy and a girl. The boy stirred first, his face cringing as he muttered some random obscenity and tried to turn away from the first bane of the day's existence. The whisker marks on his face twitched as he moved, and his spiky and shockingly blonde hair smooshed on one side. His progress was impeded by a comparatively smaller lump to his left and his eyes lazily cracked open only to glimpse at a head of indigo hair. His expressive blue eyes, once lethargic, snapped wide open and bulged a nanosecond later.

Naruto Uzumaki had found himself shirtless and lying on the floor of his apartment with a jacketless Hinata Hyuuga dozing peacefully beside him. To add to his horror, there was a distinct pool of drool where his face had been, and some hanging from the corner of his mouth. He quickly wiped it off and berated himself for any dirty dreams he might have had. He was too preoccupied with self-deprecation to notice the identical drool hanging from Hinata's mouth, the seductive, dreamy smile on her face and the faint murmurs (or moans) of "Please, Naruto-kun, my tail is my weakness. Please don't squeeze me there." **(2)**

When Naruto finally finished having a panic attack and had sufficiently blocked out Kyuubi's raucous laughter, he proceeded to try and prod Hinata awake. That meant getting a Kage Bunshin to do his dirty work. The doppelganger refused at first, thinking its creator wanted him to wake up Tsunade-baachan. When Naruto pointed to Hinata, the clone stared at her, then at him, and then at her again. Naruto answered the silent question with a hasty "I don't know what she's like when someone wakes her up. Don't worry, you won't feel a thing." That wasn't very reassuring, and Naruto's clone thought so too. Nonetheless, he finally relented and leaned in close. Naruto watched, then looked on in terror as his clone sucked in a huge breath and opened his mouth –

"UZUMAKI!"

- only to remain dumbly open when the apartment door was smashed off its hinges by an irate Hyuuga prodigy. Neji Hyuuga's eyes narrowed dangerously and it was obvious to a frantic Naruto that: one, his Byakuugan was active; two, he had either been sent to retrieve Hinata, or had come of his own choice; and three, Naruto was going to die or be horribly mutated on the inside. Oh yes, Naruto was screwed (the clone, at this point, had vanished while he could).

"Hehe… oh, Naruto-sama, I never knew _that_ about you…"

Definitely screwed. The temperature in the apartment plummeted 20 degrees, and if not for the fact that Naruto and Hinata weren't actually in a bed together, the blonde boy was certain there'd be bloodshed. As it was, he was stunned stupid (or stupider, as it were) by the words that were coming out of Hinata's mouth, and scared shitless of the killer intent pouring from her increasingly enraged cousin. He had to do some fast talking, and luckily for him, he'd eavesdropped on two men having a rather intriguing conversation in the street one day. Thus, Naruto knew the perfect way to avoid getting his as kicked.

"It's not what it looks like, really!" Naruto explained in a desperate attempt to placate Neji. When the Hyuuga genius finally looked like he was calm (well, as calm as he would ever be at this rate), Naruto put his plan into action. He faked a tired groan and, quite convincingly, acted out massaging his shoulders. "Man, I'm really sore," he sighed, a little too dramatically. "Me and Hinata were up really late."

"What were you and Hinata-sama doing here that could take all night, _alone_?" Neji's voice practically seeped venom through his lips, especially when he emphasised the appropriate word. Naruto cringed at the "one wrong word and you die" tone in his voice.

However, the shounen rule of "courage, determination and hope pwns all" was bound to come up sooner or later. For Naruto and his doomed privates' sakes, it had to. He prepared himself for the greatest save of all time and said, with a wide, foxy grin the words that would either rescue him from certain doom to get him neutered, Jyuuken style.

Oh, please let it be the second one.

"We were on the job all night!"

Yes!

The apartment suddenly became an igloo, as was the extent of Neji's fury and his uncanny ability to manipulate room temperatures. Naruto, the absolute idiot with misguided but generally good intentions took the lack of verbal response as a cue to continue. He again faked the shoulder rubbing and heaved a sigh.

"Y'know, I'll never understand why your lot reckon Hinata's weak. I mean, I have awesome stamina, to be honest, but even after an hour non-stop she wanted to keep going." He blew a long whistle. "I told her over and over that we should've taken at least a ten-minute break, but she was all over me, and… hey, Neji, what's with the hands and the eyes? … Oh crap…"

Neji was absolute livid and appalled by the flippant manner in which Naruto described the events of the previous night. To defile the Hyuuga heiress in a dump like this (he so far failed to notice that they were both wearing pants) was a sin to atone for. Naruto, for the life of him, couldn't understand what the big deal was. Unfortunately for him, he wouldn't get chance to explain himself, or find out the significance of what he had actually said.

As he was beaten to a pulp by Neji's brutal assault, Hinata finally woke up.

* * *

Hinata woke up after having some of her typical Naruto-kun fantasies. One involved her in a full-body bunny suit; another involved her in a birthday suit swimming in a pool of ramen, which was being eaten off her body by… ahem… and the one she just had was her dream wedding, complete with the ceremony, reception and the… honeymoon… 

She works fast, doesn't she?

The first thing she saw upon waking was her cousin standing over the unmoving body of her dense (and possibly dead) crush. His eyes flared maliciously with his activated Byakuugan and Hinata really thought the worst thing possible. She whimpered, attracting Neji's attention. She must've looked terrified because his eyes turned back to normal as he rushed to her side.

"Hinata-sama, he confessed to taking your innocence. I have not killed him, only because it would hurt you more if I did. Furthermore, if you become pregnant, it is only right that the father be alive to help raise the child. I must ask, however, what were you thinking when you did this?"

Hinata took a while to register what her cousin had said. When she did, she simultaneously paled and blushed. She was terrified of what her father would think if she knew she'd spent the night with Naruto Uzumaki. She was also incredibly embarrassed at what she and Naruto-kun actually did last night.

* * *

_Hinata swallowed nervously as she stood in front of Naruto-kun's door. One of his Kage Bunshin had found her in one of the many gardens of her residence (how it managed to evade the guards, she never knew) and told her she was needed as soon as possible. It had taken some stealth to slip past her overprotective, overbearing and strict father, but she had succeeded._

_Her face blushed at the thought of meeting her long-time crush in private, in his apartment, at such a late hour. Well, it wasn't too late. The sun was just about to set, and she knew her curfew was for a few hours at least. She timidly knocked on the door of the apartment before she started poking her fingers together. It was a nervous habit she could never break out of, no matter how hard she tried._

_The door opened within a minute of her knocking to reveal a toothily grinning Naruto-kun, who looked to be in superb spirits. Her finger-poking increased tenfold as she struggled to overcome her weakness. She tried to look at him, but the sheer excitement in his expression left her overwhelmed._

"_Hinata!" she heard him greet her enthusiastically. She suddenly felt a little woozy. "Glad you could make it! Did you have trouble finding this place? Any problems getting past your dad?"_

_Hinata continued to blush horribly at the barrage of questions. Her voice was whisper soft as she stared at her feet embarrassedly and answered. "N-No, N-N-Naruto-kun. I f-found your a-apartment easily and uh… um… Father… ah… d-didn't see me l-leave."_

"_Awesome!" declared Naruto-kun, causing Hinata's body temperature to rise further. There was a pause, in which Hinata finally managed to raise her head to look up at the blonde, whiskered boy. When he suddenly scratched his head in embarrassment, she had to quell the urge to squeal at how cute he looked. "Oops, where are my manners? Come in, come in." She was ushered inside by his arm around her shoulders and she was certain she was going to faint. She barely heard him say how messy the apartment was and could just see the piles of ramen cups and discarded scrolls all over the place. When he smirked straight at her, she was more than a little light-headed. "Well, even if I did clean up, it wouldn't matter. Right?"_

"_R-Right," Hinata managed, smiling slightly. The smile immediately turned into a combined expression of shock and horror when Naruto yanked his jacket off and threw it into a corner. His shirt swiftly followed suit. "N-N-N-Naruto-kun!" She was certain her face was scarlet, and she could even feel a nosebleed coming on. Oh, there it was._

"_C'mon, Hinata!" Naruto urged, and Hinata had the feeling he didn't know what sort of effect that his… naked… chest was having on her. "Take your jacket off, too! You know you won't need it for this."_

_Once again, Hinata could only utter a squeaked "Right" in response, before hesitantly stripping off her own bulking jacket. She kept her gaze to the floor but noticed his approving stare in her peripheral vision. She didn't know if he approved of her decision to ditch the clothing or approved her figure (which she thought was nothing really to like), but was beginning to heat up again as his dazzling blue eyes definitely roamed the entirety of her figure. She thought she saw a nosebleed, and felt flattered and a little woozy._

"_Well," Naruto-kun spoke finally, seemingly oblivious to the small trickle of blood leaking from his right nostril, "I was wondering what you've been hiding under that thing." Hinata was absolutely certain her whole face was aflame and just managed to hear Naruto-kun laugh and add, "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that."_

"_I-I know," Hinata replied after he said that, starting to feel a little depressed. After all, Sakura-san and Ino-san were much more attractive than she could ever be. Small, fragile, freaky-eyed Hinata was no match for them. She was so wrapped in her self-pity that she jumped slightly when she felt a hand firmly grip her shoulder. She reluctantly lifted her head and became surprised (and a little flustered) when she met a warm and sincere smile from Naruto-kun._

"_You look awesome," he said simply and honestly. Hinata's blush met her ears and Naruto-kun's eyes lit up. "I've been looking forward to this for a while." Hinata thought he was having fun at her expense, as his eyes were starting to gleam a little, as if he was preparing a prank. Nonetheless, her eyes widened with amazement. "Y'know, you're the only one I want to do this with."_

_Hinata didn't need to activate her Byakuugan for her eyes to bulge. What could Naruto-kun have meant by that? Dare she ask? And why not Sakura-san or Ino-san? _

"_R-R-Really?"_

_"Yep!" came the quick response. Hinata didn't have time to voice any doubts before Naruto-kun said, "Shall we?"_

_Hinata took a moment to digest the information, especially Naruto-kun's confession. It didn't take long before her head snapped up to meet his, her eyes narrowed with determination and total commitment. "Yes!" _**(3)**

* * *

She wasn't aware of the massive blush she was sporting, but jumped when Neji cleared his throat. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights and felt just as meek as one under his intense gaze. Her eyes wandered to Naruto-kun's limp body, which was occasionally twitching. She squeaked when his eyes seemed to flutter open, but when he otherwise didn't move she turned back to Neji and his wall-melting gaze. She then realised she hadn't answered his question from before. She involuntarily squeaked again. 

"Um… ah… N-Naruto-kun w-wanted… m-me to… t-to… h-help w-with something. H-He s-said th-that I was th-the only o-one he c-could do i-it with…"

"And what was that _something?_" Neji's tone was very deadly and blunt. For a moment, Hinata's courage wavered. However, she would keep her promise and never take back her word. Such was her and Naruto-kun's nindo.

"H-He t-told me not… not t-to t-t-tell anyone." Hinata deliberately looked at Naruto-kun, and then something clicked. "W-What d-did he s-say?"

Neji stiffened… some more… and said in a deceptively poisonous voice, "He implied that you two had sexual intercourse."

Hinata felt like her face was about to burst with blood. Naruto said that? But he… and she… he'd never… but then…

"He said you had sexual intercourse all night."

**THUD**

_**The End**_

* * *

**Lord Cynic: **"Okay, now. In my original draft, during the flashback, there was a moment when Sakura came in to investigate what was going on. But that would probably make the story more winded than it is already. But, eh, if you want to see it, give me the word. It won't be pretty."

* * *

**Important footnotes:**

**1. **(Just covering the whole fanfic in general) This time, Hinata doesn't know what Naruto said that he shouldn't have. Unlike MiT 1, she is not told of the misused slang, which is probably for the better. How she knew what "getting fresh" was, I'll never tell.

**2. **Almost a direct quote from the manga of 2x2 Shinobuden. Anyone who haven't read the manga or seen the anime (I haven't done the latter) probably should. The series is hilarious and Shinobu is sort of like Hinata (naive and innocent), Onsokumaru like Jiraiya (perverted to the max), and Kaede like Sakura (best friends with Shinobu and always butting heads with Onsokumaru. Likes to shout a lot, too, but understandly). Well, that's my opinion.

**3. **I knew I forgot something... Now, I'll tell you all that I have no idea what they were doing. Obviously they weren't having sex (blunt, aren't I?). Chakra control exercises? Indoor sparring (hey, to fight in an enclosed area would be very important)? Playing Dance Dance Revolution? It could've been anything.


End file.
